I bumped into an old university lecturer today. He asked me what I’d been up to since leaving uni, we had a bit of an awkward conversation, and then we parted ways. I realised afterwards though, that I had felt awkward saying that I had just been at home with my boys. (And even now I’ve used that word ‘just’!)
It is something I struggle with. I often feel I should be earning money (after all, this is how society often defines worth), or that I am wasting my degree. I worry about people judging me for staying at home,or thinking that I’m lazy.
Ultimately though, and wonderfully, my worth is not based on how much money I earn (or how much I save us on childcare!) Nor is it based on my ability to be a good wife, mother, daughter, friend,or even Christian. In fact my worth is not based on anything I can do at all. My worth is all in Christ. On our own we are imperfect sinners worthy only of judgment, but God loves us so much that he sent Jesus. Romans 5 says it much better then me:
6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! 10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
So if I can start to be secure in God’s love for me, it stops mattering what other people think of me. It doesn’t matter if I myself feel worthless. Because God loves me anItay. He loves me in my weakness, despite my mistakes, whatever society thinks of me. And it is in Christ that I am made perfect, it is in him that I find my worth.