Where is my worth?

I bumped into an old university lecturer today. He asked me what I’d been up to since leaving uni, we had a bit of an awkward conversation, and then we parted ways. I realised afterwards though, that I had felt awkward saying that I had just been at home with my boys. (And even now I’ve used that word ‘just’!)

It is something I struggle with. I often feel I should be earning money (after all, this is how society often defines worth), or that I am wasting my degree. I worry about people judging me for staying at home,or thinking that I’m lazy.

Ultimately though, and wonderfully, my worth is not based on how much money I earn (or how much I save us on childcare!) Nor is it based on my ability to be a good wife, mother, daughter, friend,or even Christian. In fact my worth is not based on anything I can do at all. My worth is all in Christ. On our own we are imperfect sinners worthy only of judgment, but God loves us so much that he sent Jesus. Romans 5 says it much better then me:

6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! 10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. 

So if I can start to be secure in God’s love for me, it stops mattering what other people think of me. It doesn’t matter if I myself feel worthless. Because God loves me anItay. He loves me in my weakness, despite my mistakes, whatever society thinks of me. And it is in Christ that I am made perfect, it is in him that I find my worth.

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Why I will not be “cherishing every moment”

Facebook is dangerous when you have PND. Everything on there seems to make you feel guilty or inadequate, from posts about activities people have done with theirs kids, the sharing of web links titled “25 nutritious toddler meals” (after I thought I’d done well finding the energy to make beans on toast), to simple things like smiling photos. I felt like I was this terrible mum, never doing enough, never being good enough.

The worst are memes though. The ones that talk about “cherishing every moment with your children, they won’t be small for ever”. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the sentiment, but these memes can be damaging. Why? Because firstly it’s impossible, and secondly because it stops us sharing our struggles with other people for fear of being judged for not loving our children enough. I have days when I’m bored out of my mind, days when I hate being at home with my kids, and days when the best part of the day is their nap time. And all this is normal, all this is part of life, and all this is OK.

So here are some moments I will not be cherishing:

  • Nappy changes
  • Sleepless nights
  • Pushing a pushchair for hours with a screaming baby for them to then only sleep 20 minutes
  • Early morning wake ups (4:30am and up for the day anyone?)
  • Bolognaise and weetabix in the carpet
  • Tantrums over triangle or square sandwiches
  • The whining

and probably many others I’m too tired to think of!

So if you’re feeling guilty for not cherishing every moment, don’t. Just treasure the moments you do enjoy, even iif they are small.